Harvard University psychologist Elizabeth S. It occurs within many species-from fish and bats to birds and monkeys. It is not limited to adults or even to humans. Learning to CooperateĬooperation is part of our biology. But if they know they must meet in negotiation again-possibly even five minutes later to, say, decide which movie they are going to watch-they might figure out that cooperating this time could win them better treatment from a sibling next time around. The key is not that the kids will cooperate every time they won't. What that means is, with the right incentives, kids can be taught to reach fair agreements all on their own.Įveryone wins when children figure out for themselves that cooperation beats conflict-and decide to cooperate without threats from the parental authorities. Some schemes require an authority figure-like a parent-to enforce them, but others are designed to structure the bargaining so that no enforcer is needed. And game theorists have devised various ways to approach any negotiation-some of which are more likely to result in fair outcomes than others. Psychologists have found that how children approach negotiations-and whether they share or turn spiteful-depends in large part on notions of fair play. Here's where a little knowledge of human behavior and game theory comes in handy. But reducing the number and intensity of these conflicts is possible-if we strike the right bargain. After repeatedly separating our kids and reminding them for the thousandth time that they should try to be a little nicer to one another, many of us begin to think we will never put an end to the fighting. Sibling rivalry? We talk about it all the time, but what we're really concerned with is the incessant squabbling that can turn a happy home into what feels like a battleground. Copyright © 2016 by Paul Raeburn and Kevin Zollman. Adapted from The Game Theorists’s Guide to Parenting: How the Science of Strategic Thinking Can Help You Deal with the Toughest Negotiators You Know-Your Kids, by Paul Raeburn and Kevin Zollman, by arrangement with Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC (US), Commonwealth Publishing (Taiwan) and Grand China Publishing House (China).
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